Well, they completely lied.
THEY EXPECTED ME TO LET THEM KEEP BOTH COMPUTERS FOR TWO DAYS. The genius basically said "Yeah, just fill out this like six page form, leave the computers here, wait 24-48 hours, and we'll call you." And maybe I'm paranoid, but that pretty much means they'll be rooting through my files and probably looking at each and every one of them and chuckling at the geekiness. Screw that.
So after a day of frustrating myself, I figured out how to network the computers (My PC is a dinosaur. Even the Geek Squad can't help me with any bit of it.). I had to go turn of the fire-walls, password protect my account, run IPCONFIG on command prompt, and find the PC in finder. Oh, and if you try connecting 'em yourself, don't even bother calling AppleCare. When it comes to anything related to Windows, AppleCare agents are like complete retards.
So I had to experiment with it myself, and after nearly two hours, my 10 Gigabytes of documents were transferred over my wireless network.
So now that my documents are moved, I need to learn GIMP. That could take a while...
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